Oh my hat! These past two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster of note. Making the decision to let go of control 2 weeks ago has brought about a lot (and I mean a loooot) of soul searching. In the process I have uncovered a few truths about myself that I guess I always knew but have not been able to accept in the past. I know this sounds weird but it feels like a gateway has opened for a limited time and, in order to go through it and appreciate whats on the other side, I need to change the lenses through which I view myself and the world around me.
It sounds simple enough doesn’t it, just change the lenses. The problem is that these lenses also change my view of myself when I look in the mirror. Turns out there are parts of me that have served me well over the first 45 years of my life but now need to be shed to allow me to evolve and grow. It is accepting this fact and letting go of what I am that has caused this emotional roller coaster ride that I am now on. I feel like the ugly duckling and am praying that I am a cygnet and not just a very ugly duckling deluding myself that I am swan in the making…lol.
If I think back, this all started when I started the energy of attraction meditation experience by Deepak Chopra and Oprah. One morning, I was listening to someone complain, yet again, about the issues they were having. These issues have been the same issues for the past 2 or more years. Their behaviours haven’t really changed but this person expected their situation to change even though they kept doing the same thing over and over and it wasn’t actually working. Something in me clicked listening to them and I knew that it was time that I changed things up in order to break the cycle I found myself in. I needed to let go of the things I was holding onto that have not moved me forward so that I could make space for the things and people that will. I did not expect the inner turmoil that I would unleash in myself. On the positive side, I have had amazing support from my friends, cousin and sisters that has really helped me put things into perspective.
This is a journey that I am on. I will stumble from time to time but that’s ok. I just need to learn to trust that the GPS coordinates I have are correct. I can’t see the destination on the map right now and that’s ok too. Faith that that “voice” knows where it is taking me to and that the destination is where I need to be in the future is all I need. There will be pit stops along the way where I will meet people and have experiences that will mould me into the person I need to be by the time I reach that destination. I just need to open to the lessons. I just hope there are a few vehicle upgrades planned as I go along as this one gives quite a bumpy ride…Sjoe😜
It’s pouring with rain outside right now so I am going to grab a cup of coffee, settle back into my bed and continue learning from Steve Job’s journey through his biography. I am only about 12% of the way through but I would highly recommend it. The man was fascinating.
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